Let me be one of the first to welcome you the annual OA convention. This convention is going to prove promising with all of the friends we will see, meetings we will attend, workshops that we will learn at, fellowship of other OA’ers, food(whoops did I say that) and personal growth that we are going  to get at this convention.  As always, Helen and Dee have done an excellent job in ensuring that this convention will be as good and better than before.  Thanks to everyone who has helped directly and indirectly in making this convention a success.  When I first found out the there was actually a journey to recovery I thought “Wow, what a journey indeed.”  I have been in OA for about 18 months and this journey that I have taken is none like I have ever taken before.  I came into my Thursday night meeting so sad and miserable and lost. Looking for anything to lose weight and make me better.  That is where my journey began. Immediately, I knew I belonged and was determined to do this.  I got a sponsor, started working the steps, and did everything that I could.  I got a good foundation for my program, and that helped me for my real journey ahead. I finished up law school, passed the bar (on the first the first time), all of which I managed to do without creating more damage then what the sick Delia had done before.  And the truth is that I hve no clue how I made it except for the grace of God.  It all seemed too perfect.  I got abstinent at exactly the right time, and enough to focus and concentrate of my goal.  Something that I had never been able to do before.

Things worked out beautifully.  And now, I find myself in a new city doing something that I have only dreamed about.  It is a great job, with great bosses (and we all know how bosses can be) and great opportunities for growth.  But I found myself making a new journey, one unknown and without my comfort zone. I am just starting to find out that the work I have done was preparing me for a journey that I never knew I had coming.  At some point the realization hit, that my journey to recovery is forever and will not fail so long as I do my part.  So I guess moving was part of my journey. As many of you know, I have moved to Dallas and this is my last edition as the “Steps” editor.  I do not really know what to say about all this.  Funny, a lawyer doesn’t know what to say?!  I do know that I want to thank everyone who helped me in my program, on the newsletter, those who were just there at meetings, retreats and conventions.  I do not know why God put me here in Dallas and I cry at the thought of not staying with my OA family that helped me get out of my hell.  But for what it is worth, I thank God everyday that I met all of you and each one of you touched my heart in a special way.  Thank you for allowing me to become part of your life.      This isn’t a good-bye.  This is …see you on the journey to recovery                             Delia

 
 

For the Men

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with the gnawing fear that I have gained 50 pounds or even more. I can usually calm myself immediately, but occasionally I must get out of bed and stare at my naked body in the mirror to reassure myself that my apprehension is absurd.  When I shop for clothing I find myself taking items at least 3 sizes too large.  I can never believe that I will get into my correct size.  My closets are packed with clothing as much as eight sizes too big which I cannot bear to rid myself of; this despite the fact that I pride myself on my charity and generosity.         On boarding a fairly crowded bus or subway car, my first inclination is to stand rather then squeeze and push into a single available seat.  I still must consciously adjust the way I sit down on a hard surface, because if I forget I often sit with such impact that I bruise myself.            The cause of all of this seemingly abberrant behavior is a rapid and huge weight loss: 90 pounds in seven months.  I had been fat from the age of seven, except for a few brief periods after rigorous dieting.   I was the victim of human yo-yo syndrome.  I never really came to grips with my compulsive overeating or my need to wrap myself in a cocoon of fat.  After a minor illness was unduly complicated by obesity, I decided to rid myself of the life-threatening weight.  I joined an  OA group and began the process of dealing with myself.  I am still making progress.  The weight is off and I am emerging as person I can like and respect.  I am not brainwashed nor do I wish to cast aside all of the “old me” much of which was good or I think interesting.

Unfortunately, too little seems to be known about compulsive behavior of any kind and especially overeating.  Our society places a premium on svelteness for aesthetic as well as for health reasons and yet encourages eating.  Our lives revolve around refrains such as, ‘Let’s get together for lunch”; “You are invited to dinner”; “The affair will have a nine-course sit down meal”; “Get your cold beer, candy, ice cream.”  Few are sympathetic to the real emotional pain of the fat person and fewer to the psychological trauma of the formerly fat.  I am a fat man in a thin body and will probably always be so—if with God’s help I can keep my compulsion under control.  The number of difficulties is enormous.  I must, for example, deal with my sexuality in a new and different way.  When I was unattractive, I had to pursue and convince people through force of personality that I was a person of worth, I bewailed my fate, but now I am sometimes long for the luxury of choosing whom to pursue.  I am twenty-nine but have very little experience as the object of pursuit.  It is not easy to handle.  I love the feeling of being able to do what I want, of being attractive, of feeling physically alive and alert.  Now that I have been seen and complimented by people who knew me before, I no longer have the psychic gratification of being reminded by others  that I have succeeded.  I am passing in the thin world, and few know or care that I had a fat past.  It is marvelous but it is difficult to bear with me.                                                    -Lifeline Sampler, p.281

10th Step Work

This Step has kept me honest in my program. I believe it’s no coincidence that I stay abstinent when I’m honest, examine my assets and defects, and clean up my side of the street. Once I start down the slippery slope of manipulating truths, distorting realities and justifying my actions (well-intended or not), I will compulsively overeat. This is not because I am an unsuccessful human being, but because my disease says it is acceptable to change reality to suit my needs. When doing my daily Tenth Step, I must remember that this is a neutral Reflection time. Not only do I need to focus on my need for  improvement or areas of challenge, but also on my successes that day. How did I grow in the program? Did I improve? Did I share with or support another person in pain? Did I smile at a few strangers? Did I spend a few extra minutes meditating this morning? Did I write in my journal, take care of an errand I’d been putting off or be especially nice to a colleague at work? Did I remember to thank my Higher Power today or make an effort to learn more

about that power if I’m still working on believing in a power greater than myself? There are hundreds of small ways during the day that I can make a difference in my life and the lives of others. Did I clear time in my calendar to do so? Reflecting on these  activities, as well as on the challenges I face, has helped me gain a better  sense of self and start to believe in my Higher Power’s unconditional love for me. This Step has started me on the path to self-forgiveness, clarity of  mind and a balanced relationship with HP, others and myself. With Step Ten, I have a simple (not always easy) tool to make amends promptly and learn to love and accept myself in a nonjudgmental, loving way—the same way my Higher Power loves me. Step Ten is an ongoing reassertion to myself that I am lovable, loving and loved—warts and beauty marks alike! Taken from ‘Lifeline” October 2001 Edited and reprinted from OA Awareness newsletter, AZ/Phoenix Metro Intergroup, October 2000

Before I found this program I was locked  in a battle with myself. I knew I was eating  too much, and I couldn't help myself. I  tried to control my eating, and for a while,  I was able to keep the upper hand. Then  something would happen in my life, and  I'd lose that control. I couldn't face the fact that I was a     compulsive eater. I couldn't bear to think  that I had a disease that kept me in  bondage to food. So during the time I  was in denial about my eating, I continued  sinking deeper into my disease of         compulsion. I sought comfort in food, and  did some serious damage to   my body, to my self-esteem, and to my   relationships.

It was only after I hit bottom that I realized  that I had to face the facts. I had a disease  that had me in a death grip, and there  wasn't one thing I could do about it. When  I found this program, I found hope. I  discovered a Higher Power who could help  me do what I'd never been able to do before.  I slowly began to see the changes I'd tried  all my life to effect on my own. But it didn't  happen until I became willing to face the  truth, until I became willing to ask God for help.  For one day at a time, I am willing to face my disease  and let my Higher Power help me overcome it

For the Parents in OA

I was returning home from dropping  off some departing guests at the airport when I realized that I was dangerously tired.  I anticipated a hard night.  Meanwhile, my eleven-year-old daughter and her cousin decided to go to a movie.

“Ah ha!” I thought, as a light went on in my head, “I will be all alone. I can binge.”

On the way to drop the girls at the movie, I planned my binge.  I was irritable and jumpy.  I couldn’t wait to be alone.  I dropped the girls off and was on my way for a sugar high.  I rationalized that I would do it this once and then stop.  I would then start off tomorrow “right” but just now I felt I was at the point of no return.

About a minute before I was to turn in at the store, my daughter entered my thoughts.  Our relationship has really grown in my years of recovery, and she continues to be a real support.  A poem she had recently written came into my mind.  I was flooded with the awareness of her disappointment in me if I were to lose my abstinence that night.

The lines of her poem ran through my mind: “ When you eat one, you want one more, then two, then three, then pretty soon, four.  Flooded with emotion, I passed the store without stopping.

You see, my daughter takes my disease very seriously.  I have been hospitalized twice, once for complications from overeating and once again to treat the problem.  She knows that this disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful.  She also believes it can be fatal.

When I got home, I took the poem out of my wallet where I keep it and read the last line: “Without these foods, it may seem lame but without  you, it wouldn’t be same.”  I stood out in the yard and looked up at the swaying cedar trees. Tears started running down my face.  I walked inside and made a phone call to an OA friend.  I also believe this disease is powerful and if left unchecked, fatal.  That night, my Higher Power spoke to me through the words of my precious eleven-year-old child.  Thank you HP for granting me the willingness to listen.

Dear Higher Power,

Why do I have to go through this again?  I have been in OA for two years and I was sharing my feelings with an OA friend.  “Why does it hurt so much?  Why is it taking so long?”

Her response, one that I hear often, was simple: “Slow growth is good growth.”  I did not like to hear that, not then nor in the years to come.  I was angry, impatient, and questioning.  Today, seven years later, I am grateful that I learned the truth of that philosophy.  For me, slow growth is good growth.  Another statement—”It’s time”– also keeps flowing through my new life.  Before coming into program I lived in total dependence on food and on other people.  I was desperately unhappy but I didn’t know what was wrong.  As I stay watching a TV interview of OA members one evening (and eating, of course) I realized that I didn’t think of those OA’s as weirdoes because I knew I had the same disease.  And I knew without a doubt that OA was where I belonged.  I came to the Fellowship seeking approval and acceptance.  I attended meetings, read, shared and did everything that was suggested except to be totally honest and to abstain.  It still wasn’t time.

 First I had to learn to accept myself.  I kept coming back and finally, two years later, I became abstinent.  But something was missing.  I began losing weight in my body but not in my head.  I looked good and my ego knew it.  I talked to the talk about the steps and my Higher Power to anyone who would listen but deep down I still didn’t believe.  But it was OK.  Slow growth is good growth.  At times, I compared myself with others and wondered why they were progressing so much fasted and why they seemed to have it all together.  I was not yet willing to see that I had to accept  myself first, to find my own program—what worked for me--- and be honest.  It wasn’t time.  So I kept going to meetings, listening and sharing.

As a newcomer to OA I kept haring that abstinence comes first.  But I no longer believe that I have to wait until I am abstinent before I can work the steps.  The steps are my way of life.  Without them, all I do is exist.  If I hadn’t started working the steps I would not have received the gift of abstinence.  By the grace of my Higher Power it has been more than four years, one day at a time, since I put the hell of compulsive overeating behind me.  My abstinence today is different, too.  Abstinence for me is simply not overeating compulsively and being thankful to my Higher Power for the food I choose to eat.  When the obsession returns, as it sometimes does, I know I must turn to my Higher Power for it to be removed.  I I allow it, my Higher Power will guide me and will reveal things to me when it is time for me to see them.

Recently, my dog died.  This much-loved pet was thirteen or fourteen years old so it was time, but the loss still made me sad and I cried and cried.  Sharing my feelings with a close OA friend on the telephone, I suddenly remembered that when my grandmother died many years ago I never cried. After coming into the program  I had questioned my Higher Power about this .  I loved my grandmother dearly.  Why hadn’t I been able to cry?  At the time people said, “Go ahead and cry.  It will make you feel better.” So I tried to cry, it didn’t work.  Then they said, “Well sometimes there is a delayed reaction.  Once you come out of shock and feel the loss you will cry.”  It never happened and the question remained unanswered for seven years.  It wasn’t time for me to know.  Then my dog died and I cried and the answer was revealed to me.  It was so simple,e and so clear: At the time of my grandmother’s death I had been shoving my feelings down with food, not allowing myself to feel anything, good or bad.  Whenever I become discouraged with my slow growth I stop and think how grateful I am that I discovered this twelve-step program and that I am growing in my Higher Power’s time, not mine.

A friend told me about OA 10 years ago, and I promptly forgot all he’d said. Years later, I remembered his words: fellowship, sponsors, compulsive, grazing. Over the years, I had lost weight with packaged foods, diets, pills and even stomach stapling, but it always returned.

The thought of OA flashed into my mind. I looked up the address and  phone number.  Several times, I                 drove to a newcomers meeting, but just sat in the car. At 250 pounds, I felt too embarrassed  to go inside                  and join the meeting. I did this at least three times while my desperation and isolation grew.

Finally, I found the courage to attend the newcomers meeting, but I didn’t feel much fellowship. The members suggested attending at least three meetings, so I took a meeting list. Still I procrastinated, doubtful that OA would help me overcome my problem with food. Nothing else had helped permanently.

Again, I felt desperate. With an open mind, I decided to attend an OA group that meets three times a week. That was two months ago. This group welcomed me as an old friend, and I have learned much about my  disease of compulsive overeating. Because I am staying open-minded and  willing to receive what my sponsor is willing to share, my way of thinking about food is changing. I have a wonderful, caring sponsor and the support of people with shared  experiences to help me overcome my compulsive overeating. I have found new hope. 

Step 11

JOY OF TAKING RISKS

During a three-month period, I made four major life changes. After living alone for 16 years, I decided to share living space with my grown daughter and her children. Two months later, I retired from my 22-year job and had my lower spine fused. Shortly after that, I went out in public without a wig for the first time in 25 years. If it weren’t for OA and all it offers me, I wouldn’t have had the courage to risk doing these things.

 I took a big risk when I became abstinent and gave up compulsive overeating. I’ve received not only a slimmer, healthier body, but also clarity of thought and increasing conscious contact with God. I am depressed less often because I have omitted refined sugar from my food plan.
I have learned over my years in program that I need to experiment and take risks. The key is found in Step Eleven. When I sincerely do this Step, I am guided and inspired to take risks that are uncomfortable for a while, but are in my best interest.

Since I made the decisions mentioned earlier, I have felt almost continuous, unbroken serenity, and every one of my concerns or problems has been resolved. I stay grateful to God, and my fears about the future are swept away. I know that I am usually doing God’s will. It says in the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous that I need to have my old ideas smashed. Trying new ideas has been my salvation. My old ideas kept me sick.

I am grateful to have a program that not only gives me permission, but also encourages me, to change. I only need to address each situation as it presents itself and turn it over to God, who gives me the power to make whatever change is called for.I am grateful to Overeaters Anonymous.

Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come see the daffodils before they are over." I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead. "I will come next Tuesday," I promised, a little reluctantly, on her third call. Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and so I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house and hugged and greeted my grandchildren, I said, "Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in the clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see bad enough to drive another inch!"       My daughter smiled calmly and said, "We drive in this all the time, Mother.“ "Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!" I assured her. "I was hoping you'd take me over to the garage to pick up my car.” "How far will we have to drive?” "Just a few blocks," Carolyn said. "I'll drive, I'm  used to this." After several minutes, I had to ask, "Where are we going? This isn't the way to the garage!"        "We're going to my garage the long way," Carolyn smiled, "by way of the daffodils.” "Carolyn," I said sternly,  "please turn around.” "It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience.” After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign that read, "Daffodil Garden."    We got out of the car and each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, we turned a corner of the path, and I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight. It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it down over the mountain peak and slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns-great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron, and butter yellow. Each different-colored variety was planted as a group so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers. "But who has done this?" I asked Carolyn.          "It's just one woman," Carolyn answered. "She lives on the property. That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well kept A-frame house that looked small and modest in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house. On the patio, we saw a poster. "Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking" was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs," it read. The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and very little brain."

The third answer was, "Began in 1958." There it was, The Daffodil Principle. For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun-one bulb at a time-to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountain top. Still, just planting one bulb at a time, year after year, had changed the world. This unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. She had created something of ineffable (indescribable) magnificence, beauty, and inspiration.       The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration. That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time--often just one baby-step at a time-and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world. "It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn. "What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years. Just think what I might have been able to achieve!"      My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. "Start tomorrow," she said. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use today?”  So, stop waiting... Until your car or home is paid off, Until you get a new car or home, Until your kids leave the house, Until you go back to school, Until you finish school, Until you lose 10 lbs, Until you gain 10 lbs, Until you get married, Until you get a divorce, Until you have kids, Until you retire, Until summer, Until spring, Until winter, Until fall, Until you die. There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need money,  Love like you've never been hurt,  And dance like no one's watching. Provided by Janet R.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs
 
 

Today I had to wait for a friend after the OA meeting. I sat on a bench outside the hospital where the meeting was held and faced a mirrored wall. I could see myself clearly. A mirror has not always been my friend. When I was in my disease, I could look in the mirror and convince myself that I wasn’t too fat, or not that fat or not as fat as someone else. The day came when I saw myself only from the neck up.

I saw a counselor many years ago who tried to get me to love myself. I had to look in the mirror three times every day, look into my eyes and say, “I love you.” That was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I knew I was not worth loving. I knew I was a fat, stupid, lazy monster. I knew it because I saw it in your eyes. I knew it from television and movies. I read it in books and magazines. I heard it from the snickers and the pity in the voices of those who spoke to me. I experienced it in the disgust of the woman in the “large-lady” dress shop. The world was telling me I was worthless and unlovable, and this woman was telling me to say I loved myself.

What happened during the past 13 years that changed self-hate and disgust to love and nurturing? It was OA and the daily program for living that made the difference. But some people come to OA and walk away. They do not get the miracles or find the life of love, peace and joy. What makes it different for those of us who have found these things? I call it the fundamentals.

OA is a program of action for me. The first action was to admit that I was powerless over food and to put it down, but that was only the beginning. My problem was not that I couldn’t stop eating; it was that I couldn’t stay stopped. My next action was to get on my knees, ask God to remove my compulsion and trust that He could and would. I had to believe that I would not die of hunger between breakfast and lunch or between dinner and bedtime.

When that part of my recovery was in place, I had to work the Steps, and the only way I can do that is to follow the directions in the “Big Book.” I know some find other ways, but I am a hard-core, compulsive person. I need pure, straight directions.

Now comes the part that really enables me to “stay stopped.” It is service: the service of carrying the message of recovery to those who still suffer. It is the service of standing beside my sisters and brothers in recovery. It is the service of writing e-mails, going to meetings, making phone calls, speaking, sharing, sponsoring and all those “little things” that add up.

Today I’m maintaining a 250-pound weight loss and have been abstinent for 12 years, but I can guarantee you that if I stop doing service, I will eat again. I can guarantee you something else. If I keep doing tomorrow what I am doing today, I won’t ever have to be afraid to look in a mirror again.

Overeaters Anonymous is a Fellowship of individuals who, through shared experience and mutual support, are recovering from compulsive overeating. We welcome everyone who wants to stop eating compulsively. There are no dues or fees for membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions, neither soliciting nor accepting outside donations. OA is not affiliated with any public or private organization, political movement, ideology or religious doctrine; we take no position on outside issues. Our primary purpose is to abstain from compulsive overeating and to carry this message of recovery to those who still suffer.

Steps is published quarterly by Houston Metro Intergroup (HMI) of Overeaters Anonymous, P.O. Box 741836, Houston, Texas 77274-1836, 713-973-6633

Editorial Policy: Opinions expressed herein are those of the writers and not of HMI or OA as a whole, unless otherwise noted. We reserve the right to edit all submissions with the intent of preserving the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous